Jan 21

The Eye of the Beholder

I begin each morning by checking my messages before even getting out of bed. It helps me set my schedule and determine how I should spend my day. This morning I had an email from a long time friend. I was actually happy to have received the email from him, but that happiness quickly changed to anger as I realized that I was being condemned for who I am. As many of you know, I really don’t like to be judged or criticized based on my natural way.

I read the first few lines of the email and was highly pissed off, so I put the phone down (of course I was reading from the Blackberry) and tried to go back to sleep. Who was I kidding? I typed my initial response based on the few lines that I did read. I stated that I’d read the email in it’s entirety later. I tried to go back to sleep again, but of course I couldn’t so here I am sitting in front of the computer. I decided to type this blog and read the email at the same time (*shrugging shoulders*). It actually is helping me remain calm and not respond in a way that I’d regret.

As I read through the email I read some very negative things, including: “You have to change Tonya, nobody takes you serious” and some other stuff I care not to share, because it’s about some of you. (Yeah, I’m being messy, lol). At that moment, I realized that I allowed 2 hours of my morning to be consumed by someone’s negative criticism -someone who really hasn’t known me over the past 10 years. Someone who apparently goes through my social network profiles and makes assumptions. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate constructive criticism and I am open to receive any type of feedback, but this was just foul on so many levels. He is entitled to his own opinions and conclusions as he sees things from his eyes. I do wonder what really fueled this tongue-lashing; well, type-lashing (it was an email after all).

I was going to delete this blog, because I saw no point in allowing this situation to grow; however, I decided to continue, because there are two things that I want to share with you. (1) We need to go back over our social network profiles to see what the heck is on  there, because we need to make sure our new connections take us seriously (smile). (2) We need to understand that some people will never be happy for us, especially if they are not involved in our lives in a way that they feel they should. Soooo…keep living your life according to your destiny and know that you will have some road blocks, but don’t let that deter you. Road blocks are put up temporarily, only to prepare the road ahead for safe travels or to detour us to the right path…ya dig.

roadblock image

“Flatter me, and I may not believe you. Criticize me, and I may not like you. Ignore me, and I may not forgive you. Encourage me, and I will not forget you. Love me and I may be forced to love you.”  – William Arthur Ward


  1. Jacynda


    I hear you on so many levels as I read this recent blog. Level 1 – not to react from initial impulse. As this can open a huge can of worms that was best left for a fishing trip.
    2 – You gotta be YOU. Unfortunately, being you may not correspond to who I believe you should be (I am being extremely sarcastic) but still you “are who you are, and that is all that you are” (follow the rhythm from Popeye the Sailor Man). Now, for those, such as yourself, who is confident in themselves negative criticism proves that they are related through evolution to ducks (you let the negative criticism roll off your back, as water runs off a ducks feathers).
    3 – On my social profiles (I have a couple, such as LinkedIn and Facebook) I set my privacy settings so that ‘most’ random viewers cannot see my page. But of those who can, I go a step further and I moderate what appears on my wall. I do this because I don’t want “no mess” affecting the serenity of my little social networking space. Because ultimately what people do see, through these social networking sites, is taken as a representation of ME.

    4 – We have conscious and unconscious haters. Neither is good but you have a better chance at influencing the unconscious hater. It is amazing at the audacity we have to believe that we have a right to paint our beliefs onto someone else. Years ago, I became wise to the fact that my way (thoughts, actions, beliefs, etc) may be what works best for me; therefore, I should do my best not to PROJECT them onto someone else. Now, I am far from perfect in that quest but I believe I do pretty darn good.

    I hope the writer of that email feels better for getting that off of his chest. His merit badge is on its way and he should anxiously check his mailbox-snail mail- (another sarcastic remark).

    It may be easier said than done but DO YOU!

  2. JustTonyaB

    Thanks for responding Jacynda and making me laugh. You are correct, I should not have responded so quickly and I had to seriously think about why the things he said bothered me so much. During the time I was grieving and although he deserved a lashing, I probably was waiting on someone just to tick me off.

    I ponder a lot about my social network image, but I always conclude that I have to be naturally me. Sometimes you may see speaking in front of a group of business professionals and sometimes you may see me on the dance floor. Granted it’s more of the latter, but I haven’t gotten to the point where I can hire my own personal photographer to get those professional shots. :) I just didn’t appreciate him picking and choosing certain little tidbits that he wanted to make an illogical deduction.

    I’m wondering if he got that check yet.

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