May 04

Testosterone, Estrogen & Alcohol

I recently made a decision to stop going out to the clubs. I’ll still go to happy hour, to some events that my friends are hosting, or to an event that I’m a part of, but no routine club going. This is going to be hard because I love to dance and I love to listen to my favorite DJs; however, this has finally become too much for me to handle. Although I have a good time anywhere I go, lately there have been significant signs of trouble at some of the places. I have noticed the signs and I’m starting to take heed to them. I may not take heed right away, but I’m paying for that. My stubbornness is a force to be reckoned with at times. I just never thought I’d have any problems like the ones that I’ve been faced with recently.
A recent incident at a new bar that I wanted to check out is the catalyst for me putting a halt on the clubbing. Some women’s guy was really trying to get my attention. I was truly trying to ignore him. We were in such close quarters that it was hard for me or her to ignore it, but this fool of a woman wanted to fight me. I’m thinking, “This cannot be real.” She has to be my age or older and I’m thinking “this ghetto tramp wants to fight me over this nothing ass man.” Of course there was no fight. I don’t back down, but I don’t stoop low either. The same night, same place two “women” actually did fight and a few other arguments took place that night as well. I don’t know what was in the atmosphere, but it wasn’t good for me. I can definitely say that night was a huge eye-opener and I did slow my pace afterwards.
The three straws that broke the camel’s back:
I was one of the hosts at an event on Friday. I was having a wonderful time, until (1) a guy that I was somewhat interested in left with another woman (he doesn’t know how I feel); (2) a guy in his late 30’s, who appeared professional, stuck his business card down my bra; and (3) as I got ready to leave I couldn’t find my license (I have it back now). I had a super blast dancing and talking with my friends, but the night overall was NOT fun; my feelings were a little hurt and I was disrespected. Over the weekend, I got over everything but the business card incident; I’ll blog about that another time. It really pissed me off, but I kept my composure. At least I’m showing significant signs of growth because I did not use any choice words of profanity towards anyone.
Lately when I’m out at some places, I often look around at the others and I ask myself, “Why am I here?” I know the personal backgrounds of some people there and I realize the similarities. Whether it’s good or bad, we all are missing and searching for something. It may not necessarily be in the club, but we are missing and/or searching for something. People tend to deny this and will say, “I just go out to go out.” What does that mean exactly? Honestly, I get bored easily when I’m not working or with my daughters. I can’t work all of the time nor spend all of my time with them and I have to have some fun. So, off to the club, bar, or lounge I go. For me, it’s mainly about dancing. My view of the club has always been a place where I can go get my groove on. I pick and choose where I go based on who’s DJing, but once there it’s not like I can avoid socializing, that’s the point right. The disappointing aspect is that often I take nothing away from these conversations. I take nothing positive away from the clubs. The only thing that I can say is that I had a blast, I am a few dollars poorer, my hair smells like smoke, and my liver is a little more damaged. The time that I’ve spent talking to the super tipsy, over confident guy with his Bluetooth on, that won’t remember my name after about 5 minutes of conversation; is time that I could have been doing something a lot more productive.
“I’ve got friends in low places where the whiskey drowns and the beer chases all my blues away…”

1 comment

  1. ~Akanke~

    OK!! I was just telling my mom I gotta start going bowling, skating, hitting up some museums, plays or something. I went out with my friend Saturday night & it was truly a moment for reflection. First of all, I'm so over waiting in line to get in the club. It's too humid in Houston to be using me as street ambiance…. and the darn club was empty! After a small disagreement with the girl at the door, we went in to buy expenives drinks and stand around. We found ourselves asking why we were even there? What is everyone looking for??
    & I too have been violated in the club. This guy put his hands down my shirt (in my bra) and grabbed my breast. I was to mortified I couldn't even make a noise. Never in my life have I been violated like that. It took me quite a while to get over it too…I turned around and he began to apologize saying that he thought I was someone else. I said if you know someone like that you should know them from all angles.

    Bloggin is perfect for a motor mouth like me. Peace!

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