Aug 21

Oh, You Don’t Need a Man?


Lately, I’ve heard so many women say, “I don’t need a man!” It’s not a new mantra, but I’ve heard it so much more lately that it’s puzzling. Seriously though, when did needing someone become a bad thing? Why is it taboo to say that you need the person that you’ve chosen to be in a relationship with?  I can dig it, but if I don’t need you for something, then I don’t need you in my life. Really, what’s the point?

I’ll tell anyone that I need my guy, including him. Do I care what y’all think? Nope. Does needing him make me weak? No, it makes me human. I don’t need him for my sole existence or for my daily survival or to be fulfilled as a person, but I do need his care and comfort that I’ve grown to love. I need his companionship and emotional support. I need to be able to watch Netflix and chill. Believe me, I have my own life with more than my fair share of things going on – businesses, work, school, board obligations, volunteering, parenting adults, grandparenting, etc. Yet, there is nothing more fervent than gaining a deep intimacy with someone. I can share my innermost thoughts or secrets with him and not be judged…I need that!

I’ve been in relationships before where the guy ultimately didn’t feel he served a purpose in my life. I never spoke those words, but I know my actions screamed, “I don’t need you!!” My actions screamed that, because I simply didn’t understand  the difference between need and dependence. I honestly think a lot of you that are anti-needing a man, don’t understand the difference either. I’m not judging though (no sarcasm). In my opinion, needing someone doesn’t mean that you can’t function without them, it means that you want to function better with them.

“We all need to feel that we are contributing value to the lives of others.” – Dan Brule

1 comment

  1. Neshama Alheem

    My sentiments exactly, Sis! Very well stated. I am always working to teach others the difference between needing and dependence, between self-sufficient and self-reliant. You are supposed to need each other. We were created to be interdependent, not independent.

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