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Jan 07

“I Love You” Were Our Last Words

For the second time I yelled, “I love you daddy” into the phone, hoping he would comprehend. As clear as a bell, clearer than he’d spoken in weeks, he said, “I love you too.” Wednesday, December 30, 2009, is the very last day I spoke to my father; somehow, I knew it would be. After many unreturned calls and voice messages, I knew his suffering would end soon. My dad passed away yesterday morning. The man with so much spit fire energy, who swore he’d be 85, walking with a cane and still be able to win the 3-legged race, left this life as we know it. His energy, however, is still here. I know his energy is the reason behind the pleasant feeling that I have inside. The feeling that’s allowing me to smile in this time of sorrow.

Naturally, I’m going to miss him. I wish I could have accomplished so much more to make him proud. I hope that he understood that I appreciated everything he ever did or tried to do for me. As I begin to re-read hundreds of letters that he’s written to me through the years, I realize how strong of a man he was. In these, 2-4 page letters, he often put himself in a vulnerable position by opening up and being honest about his feelings and letting me know that I could do the same. Many of you get on me about being so transparent, but my dad taught me that it’s okay to be this way. Even though I told him I loved him, I’m wondering if he knew that I was proud of him as a father.

Your Joy – Chrisette Michele

 

Walked down the sidewalk, Staring at your feet, Wishing my steps were longer
So by your sides I could keep, Hold your hand much bigger, Never wanted mine to grow
So I could always feel perfect, Inside your palms just so, No one loves me just like you do
No one knows me just like you do, No one can compare to way my eyes fit in yours
You’ll always be my father, And I’ll always be your joy

4 comments

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  1. Mosaic

    Simply beautiful is all there is to say about this post. Isn’t it a wonderful feeling to have made peace with a loss, and yet never let go of the wondeful memories? You are a remarkable person and from what you’ve shared, it sounds like your father was too.

    Sending you love from me…

  2. Jacynda

    This is a touching commentary. Since your dad taught you about transparency it is guaranteed he knew you were (are) proud of him as a father. God Bless.

  3. Cyd West

    I just read on FB that your father passed away. I am so sorry but that is the exact way that I felt when my dad passed away. My heart and prayers go out to you and your family. Stay Blessed and keep you head up.

    C

  4. JustTonyaB

    Thank you all for your kind words. The funeral was over, but was surely a time for rejoicing. There were so many people that loved him and knew that he was a wonderful man.

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