Jan 26

Don’t Ask Me Over If You Can’t Ask Me Out!

The title was one of my 2008 dating war-cries.

I’ve met several men in the past year that claim they want to get to know me, but ultimately don’t get past the first conversation. If you are one of those that didn’t get past the first conversation, I’m about to tell you one of the reasons why. It’s because you made statements like (these are real), “I just bought some new movies and you can come over here to watch them;” “Instead of going out, why don’t you come over here and cook for me?” “You wanna come over and play Guitar Hero;” “We don’t have to go out to have a good time;” or the classic that I do fall for at times – “I’ll cook dinner for you.” (I’m so damn greedy… read #10)

Do they really want to get to know me or are they just trying to get me? There’s no need to front. If that’s all it’s about, then that’s all it’s about. They shouldn’t waste my time or their own; just be real about it. Okay, I’m done venting.

I don’t mind spending a little one on one time at the crib, but that’s after I’ve grown to know the guy. Until then, meeting for morning coffee or tea will not kill ’em. A trip to the museum or movies will not kill ’em. Shoot, a burrito from the taco truck and a walk in the park will suffice…ice skating, roller skating, laser tag…something!

The age range of the men I meet is typically 25-45. [For future references, my consideration range is 29-41, give or take a few. (I’m just putting that out there.)] Therefore, I have a hard time tagging this dilemma to a specific age group. I don’t meet these guys in the club and I’m not always flashing my pearly whites either. I’m wondering what it is about me that’s attracting this type of Tom-foolery. I will say that I have been fortunate enough to have gone out on a few dates within the past year. (A few, as in 3.)

What happened to the days of courting? Am I living in a fairytale world to believe that true courtship still exists? Am I just a hopeless romantic? Did I watch too many black & white movies as a child? Somebody provide some type of insight.

This blog is also posted on The ManChild Swagga. Tonya B. has swag too. :p

“Everyone knows that dating in your thirties is not the happy-go-lucky free-for-all it was when you were twenty-two.” — Helen Fielding

Who ya tellin’ Helen?


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  1. Mhganymami

    Tonya, I feel your pain! It’s so frustrating! I am a 32 year old, single, professional woman and I had 3 dates last year. Only 1 worthy of mention, but I’m seeing more and more that these guys don’t want to try anymore. A lot of them seem to love to come to my place and “chill”. I’ve decided I’m not putting up with any shenanigans. I used to give a man the benefit of the doubt, but all that left me is groped, paying for everything, or finding out the guy was married. I’m keeping it real with them and if they can’t handle that, they can move around. It may be another long while til I get a good date, but never again will I have some guy I barely know falling asleep on my couch and eating all my food.

  2. Tonya B.

    @ Mhganymami – Many times I felt it was my fault because I’m pretty easy going. Like you, I’d give a man the benefit of the doubt, making assumptions/excuses about the entire situation and ultimately being left looking crazy. Thinking back on some of my previous “dates”, I can do nothing but laugh. How in the world did I get myself in some of those situations?

  3. Anonymous

    Interesting.. From the other side of the fence, I find that many woman fail to demand to be treated like a lady. Some(men) will take what we are given, and only do what we feel necessary.

    I’m old fashioned and love to “court”. How else will/can I display the skills my mother spent so much time beating into my head.
    – A

  4. Tonya B.

    @ A – What do you mean when you say “many women fail to demand to be treated like a lady”?

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